Samples from “Virtues” Essays
Student Writing

This is a clumsy sentence: Fellow players have been telling me for years that I suck at football and you want to know what I think about those people is that they are scared, jealous and feel threatened by me and you what I’m not playing to take others positions I’m playing because I love this game and know that I don’t suck.

This would be better: Fellow players have been telling me for years that I suck at football. Do you know what I think about that? I think those people are scared or jealous or feel threatened by me. I’m not playing for their benefit. I’m playing because I love this game. I don’t believe that I do suck.

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If we all had a little more patience with things and people then maybe we wouldn’t get so upset over things so easily. I remember sitting in class when I was younger and the person sitting a few desks down from me kept interrupting the teacher again and again. I wanted very badly to just yell at him and tell him to stop, and wondered why the teacher would be so patient with them. The person kept interrupting the teacher till class got over and it was time to leave. When I left class I remember being very annoyed with how that person was acting, so after class I asked someone why the teacher was being so patient with the person instead of getting upset with them and sending them to the office. The person I asked told me that the person who had been interrupting the teacher had a slower learning ability then the rest of us. After hearing this I was upset with myself for feeling so angry with that person.

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It is simple, if a person doesn’t have determination they won’t get far in life.

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It is always smart to laugh at yourself more then others, because

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Eating right, exercise, sleep and stress relief are some of the things that will help to keep you healthy. You can work out by going on runs or walks, or even play an active game.

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If someone does not have a good sense of humor than that person is either a really boring person

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For instance this summer I was determined to get a job and work the whole summer, and I did. I’m not saying that it was hard, but I am saying that there were many times this summer that i just wanted to take a day off or just not show up. But I was determined to do my best and it has payed off, because when it came to the time that they started to lay people off where I work my name wasn’t on the list.

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Also determination has helped me alot with school work.

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I thought that this was bologna at first, but after watching the video I thought hey lets give it a shot.

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someone who takes things to literally.

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Next thing I knew me and my friend were in a serious argument.

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Tension wouldn’t of built up between us and that argument would of never happened.

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I am a very self sufficent person in everyday tasks. during school hours I make sure I go above and beyond to acheive the best grade I can recieve, while I also do my own laundry, dishes and cook.

Posted by Michael L Umphrey on 10/24 at 07:19 PM
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Samples of student writing •

Snow Falling on Cedars: symbolism question
Samples from your essay questions

When the snow is falling hard, like in the first three chapters of this book, it symbolizes harshness, cold, and tension. “The wind drove steadily inland, hurling them against the fragrant trees, and the snow began to settle on the highest branches with a gentle implacibility.” This quote shows the snow “hurling against the fragrant trees,” which makes the snow seem harsh, like the feelings about the trial, or the tension between the defendant’s wife and the reporter. Although the snow is harsh, it also may be a symbol of simplicity, like in the quote; “He hoped it would snow recklessly and bring to the island the impossible winter purity, so rare and precious, he remembered fondly from his youth.”

While he is sitting in court, Kabuo, the defendent, sees the snow falling outside and realizes he missed winter. He remembers spending 77 days in his windowless cell, and this is the first time he has seen the outside. The snow “struck him (Kabuo) as infinately beautiful.” I don’t believe that snow is used as a symbol in the next two chapters. It is used mostly to set a setting in the second chapter and the weather is not mentioned at all in the third chapter.

In Snow Falling On Cedars the snow begins falling when the first murder trial in decades begins. The change of seasons and falling snow represents the innocence of Kabuo Miyamoto. He was locked up for all of autumn, and his first view of outside was a “snow blurred” image of the cedar hills.

The snow in the novel Snow Falling on Cedars is a symbol for justice. I believe that the snow is a symbol for justice because whenever the author brings up the snow, the characters are always in the courtroom by saying “In the meantime he sat facing the wind-driven snowfall, which had begun to mute the streets outside the courthouse windows.”

As the snow falls over San Piedro Island, it brings a beautiful purity to the island. It struck people as “infinitely beautiful” and brought an “impossible winter purity - so rare and precious” to the island. As a man is brought to trial for murder, the snow falls, washing Puget Sound with its white beauty.

Posted by Michael L Umphrey on 10/21 at 12:39 PM
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Samples of student writing •

Writing paragraphs
Unity, Coherence, Development

Unity: A good paragraph is unified around a single topic, which is stated clearly in the topic sentence.

Okay: The Puritans were a very religious people that believed that God overlooked and controlled every little thing in their lives. They thought that the things they did either pleased or angered God. If the Puritans were good they were rewarded, but if they were bad they thought that God would harshly punish them. “There was a proud and profane young man… he would always be condemning people with their sickness and cursing them… but it pleased God… to smite this young man.” William Bradford is showing his total belief that God controls everything in everybody’s lives. From the little things like getting a cold, to the big things like being killed.

Weak: The Puritans were not a particularly clean or strong people for all their Godliness. They rarely bathed, and their sanitation was always in question. But their faith in God was obviously enough to pull them through. Though over half their population died from cold, starvation, and sickness during their first winter, which Bradford describes as, “… they that know the winters of that country know them to be sharp and violent...” and, “… subject to cruel and fierce storms...”, they suffered through and eventually flourished, though eventually being swallowed up by the Massachusetts Bay colony. The Pilgrims may not have done much, but their example and ability left a mark on the face of America that will never be forgotten, and their Faith in God was representative of the Pinnacle of human piety.

Coherence: A good paragraph coheres, with all the parts fitting together so that the reader moves through it without becoming lost or confused.

Weak: The Puritans had a mind set of casting opinions on groups of people. For, after all, they were leaving there own country because of their conception of the English government. Even before meeting the natives, the cast of pilgrims had made their own judgments of the Indians, Most thought the Native American race to be wild and uncivil, “...Barbarous and most treacherous, being most furious in their rage and merciless where they overcome....” As you can see, the pilgrims expected to arrive to a land filled with these unknown ravenous beings. It was made clear to all the pilgrims that Indians were not to be trusted because of their unruly ways.

Posted by Michael L Umphrey on 10/08 at 08:45 AM
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Samples of student writing •

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Unity: A good paragraph is unified around a single topic, which is stated clearly in the topic sentence.

Coherence: A good paragraph coheres, with all the parts fitting together so that the reader moves through it without becoming lost or confused.

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