Unity: A good paragraph is unified around a single topic, which is stated clearly in the topic sentence.

Okay: The Puritans were a very religious people that believed that God overlooked and controlled every little thing in their lives. They thought that the things they did either pleased or angered God. If the Puritans were good they were rewarded, but if they were bad they thought that God would harshly punish them. “There was a proud and profane young man… he would always be condemning people with their sickness and cursing them… but it pleased God… to smite this young man.” William Bradford is showing his total belief that God controls everything in everybody’s lives. From the little things like getting a cold, to the big things like being killed.

Weak: The Puritans were not a particularly clean or strong people for all their Godliness. They rarely bathed, and their sanitation was always in question. But their faith in God was obviously enough to pull them through. Though over half their population died from cold, starvation, and sickness during their first winter, which Bradford describes as, “… they that know the winters of that country know them to be sharp and violent...” and, “… subject to cruel and fierce storms...”, they suffered through and eventually flourished, though eventually being swallowed up by the Massachusetts Bay colony. The Pilgrims may not have done much, but their example and ability left a mark on the face of America that will never be forgotten, and their Faith in God was representative of the Pinnacle of human piety.

Weak: They travel across the perilous ocean, being stricken with disease and death, praying to make it to the shores of America, the promised land. When near the coast, they began to sail towards the Hudson River entering danger along an already dangerous trip, Bradford states, “but after they had sailed the course for about half the day, they fell amongst dangerous shoals and roaring breakers. . . .” continuing, “they resolved to bear up again for the Cape and thought themselves happy to get out of those dangers before night overtook them, as by God’s good grace they did.” When they finally landed on the shore, they believed their troubles to be over and the end of the apocalypse, “They fell upon their knees and blessed the God of Heaven who had bought them over the vast and furious ocean. . . .”

Coherence: A good paragraph coheres, with all the parts fitting together so that the reader moves through it without becoming lost or confused.

Okay: To the Puritans, God had his hand in everyday happenings. Bradford shows his belief that God punishes people who are in the wrong and spares the innocent. On board the Mayflower, a rude arrogant seaman harasses the sea sick passengers, threatening to throw them over board. But Bradford shows his faith that God is watching over the Pilgrims. “He would curse and swear most bitterly. But it pleased God before they came half seas over, to smite this young man with a grievous disease, of which he died in a desperate manner, and so was himself the first that was thrown overboard.” The people on the Mayflower and Bradford see this as a sign from God, that He will take matters into His hands.

Weak: The Puritans had a mind set of casting opinions on groups of people. For, after all, they were leaving there own country because of their conception of the English government. Even before meeting the natives, the cast of pilgrims had made their own judgments of the Indians, Most thought the Native American race to be wild and uncivil, “...Barbarous and most treacherous, being most furious in their rage and merciless where they overcome....” As you can see, the pilgrims expected to arrive to a land filled with these unknown ravenous beings. It was made clear to all the pilgrims that Indians were not to be trusted because of their unruly ways.

Weak: William Bradford is a Puritan who comes to America with other Puritans, to flee religious prosecution from the king of England. In the movie, Desperate Crossings, the Puritans flee England because the king has soldiers hunting down the religious followers of anything but Anglicans. To the Puritans, they believed that this was the apocalypse mentioned in the New Testament of the Bible. Before they leave for America, they flee to Holland, where their is a greater deal of religious freedom for the time being in Europe. However, the king of England eventually finds out about them their and demands for them to be put to trial back in England. The Puritans decide it is time to leave Europe to go to what they believe is the promised land, America. On the ship passage over, Bradford believes that they are being tested by God when they continue sailing after a broken mast as he says, “they committed themselves to the will of God and resolved to proceed.”

Development: A good paragraph has enough supporting detail to make it clear what the topic sentence means and to persuade the reader that the topic sentence is correct.

Okay: Before the Puritans traveled to America, they believed that the Indians were nothing more than barbaric savages. Although they had never met or even seen the natives, they made inferences from what they had heard from other travelers. “The place they had thoughts on was some of those vast and undeveloped countries of America, which are fruitful and fit for habitation, being devoid of all civil inhabitants, where there are only savage and brutish men which range up and down, little otherwise than the wild beasts of the same.”(Page 10) Not only did the Puritans think that the Indians were uncivil, but they believed that they were dangerous and intimidating. It was made clear that they thought the natives were no better than the wild animals roaming the untracked land.

Weak: Puritans lived in a rather simple manner full of beliefs, although at times it still led them to be in many predicaments that could have broken them apart. “[They] were hunted and persecuted on every side… For some were taken and clapped up in prison, others had their houses beset and watched night and day....” (p. 5*) Even with these hardships in England, which forced them to move to Holland, they still were determined “to walk in all His ways… whatsoever it should cost them...” (p.5)

Fatal Errors: Not writing English sentences. Not spellchecking. Sentence Fragments. Careless capitlalization. Not proofreading.

And their thoughts of the New World “Being devoid of all civil inhabitantsŔ Only led the Pilgrims aboard the Mayflower to expect nothing but the worst upon arrival to the New World, ultimately already creating a void between the two cultures.

Once the Puritans landed at Cape Cod they immediately encountered the Native Americans, “;;; the Indians came skulking about them, and would sometimes show themselves aloof off, but when any approached near them, they would run away… .” This troubled the settlers a lot. This gave them the assumption that the Native Indians were mindless savages, however; this opinion was soon changed.

As a Puritan, William Bradford believed something called covenant theolody. Covenant theology is the idea that God enters into a covenant or contract with mankind. These people believed God would fulfill his divine plan on earth through them.

Even before meeting the natives, the cast of pilgrims had made their own judgments of the Indians, Most thought the Native American race to be wild and uncivil, “...Barbarous and most treacherous, being most furious in their rage and merciless where they overcome....”